Consistency in Parenting

 This is the 50th episode of this is going to be fun. And honestly, my heart is just overflowing because I cannot believe we are here. I have been producing this podcast every single week for the last 50 weeks, and you have been showing up and listening, and I just wanna tell you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the people out there listening every single week, especially those of you that have been here with me since the very beginning and watched this podcast evolve and grow, and me evolve and grow as a person and as a coach throughout the past year.   Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for sharing this with your friends and your family, and posting reviews and ratings. It has all meant the world to me. And today in honor of the 50th episode here on the podcast, I wanna talk about the power of consistency, because here's the thing, I didn't do anything marvelous or spectacular or amazing to grow this podcast and share it with you.   I just showed up consistently week after week for the past 50 weeks with something that I thought could help you in your parenting and in your life, and you're here for it. And I just appreciate you so much. So let's talk about consistency. I. A couple years ago, my husband and I went and bought a lemon tree, and when we were buying this lemon tree, we decided to go for a little bit more mature lemon tree one that had already been growing for years and years before, so that we could have lemons sooner than later.   We brought it home and we planted it in our yard. We dug the big hole and we added all the right fertilizer and we watered it in the right way. And for a couple of years that lemon tree only produced two to three lemons a year. A year. That's all two to three lemons a year. And it was easy for us to think this lemon tree is a dud, like it is just never going to produce a lot of lemons.   And we wondered if it was even worth all the watering and all the fertilizing and buying the special treatment for the citrus and the space it was taking in our yard. But this year, that Lemon Tree produced 50 or more lemons and looking at the new growth that's coming in for this year, it will produce even more than that next season.   But for years we have had to consistently water and fertilize and take care of this tree with no fruit to show for it. And that's the same thing that's been happening with my podcast. It started out with zero listeners. Well maybe. Two or three. My mom, my besties, my husband actually took a few weeks before he got on board and started listening.   But now there are so many perfect strangers that I don't even know listening to this podcast every single week, and that is so much fun. At the same time, I've been growing this podcast, I've been growing my Enjoy community, and the growth started out slow. It was just a couple people inside. And over the last year, I've invested a lot of my own time and energy and effort into making it amazing and taking care of it and taking the consistent steps to show up.   And now it's starting to grow, and it's so fun to finally start to see the fruits of all that labor and effort. The same thing is true in your parenting, especially during the teen years. Those are sometimes the years that are the least fruitful. I want you to think back to my lemon tree. So we bought it probably in its teen years, right?   It had already gone from being a tiny little seed to growing as a small little plant and growing and growing until it had a trunk and it was getting taller. Those years that it was growing in the nursery, those were years that you saw a lot of change and height and growth in the tree. But when we bought it and brought it home, it didn't seem to change much at all.   We were putting in all the effort, but it wasn't getting any taller or wider or bigger. It had about the same number of branches and the same number of leaves, and it would get those three little lemon buds and grow three little lemons, and the next year it would look exactly the same. But during those years when it wasn't producing fruit, what it was doing is sending its roots deep down into the ground.   It was establishing a strong root system. It was acclimating to its surroundings, to this new home that it had in the ground in our backyard instead of being in the pot at the nursery. It was taking in all of the sunlight and all of the water and all of the nutrients from the soil and all of the special citrus fertilization treatment that we were putting on it throughout that whole time, it was getting stronger.   It was establishing itself there in my backyard so that eventually it could start producing more fruit. Your teenager is in this phase. You don't see a lot of the ways that they are growing, but I promise they are growing. It might feel like they're always annoyed with you or they don't respond, or they don't appreciate you or they ignore everything you say.   It might feel like the fruits are never going to come, but they need you to keep showing up. They need you to keep providing acceptance and love and belonging and safety and validation. They need you to keep teaching them and guiding them. What you are doing right now matters even if you don't see the fruits of it.   The work you are doing right now is sacred work. Biting your tongue when you wanna freak out, resisting the urge to fix things when your teen is hurting. Not saying I told you so when they get excited about doing the exact thing you suggested last week, this is the stuff that matters. This is the stuff that leads to a strong, flourishing, abundant tree, which eventually will look like a teenager.   Who is emotionally healthy, who is confident, who is resilient, who is happy, the work you are doing right now. Matters. It matters so much and it doesn't have to be big, and it doesn't have to be crazy. It just has to be consistent. You just have to keep showing up and trust me, I know how hard it is to keep showing up when it doesn't look like anything you're doing matters, like it isn't making a difference.   So I wanted to share with you 10 of my favorite thoughts that you can think that will help you keep showing up. Keep being consistent.   The first one is, I can do hard things. This thought will help you keep going when things get hard, because they will get hard.   The second thought I was made for this. And you were. You are exactly the parent your teenager needs and they only have you. You are the one they need to show up and be consistent. Number three, I am doing important work. I already mentioned it, but the work you are doing right now is sacred work. You are shaping lives, you are changing the future. The work you are doing matters.   Number four, this is my life and I am here for it. You are in the trenches of motherhood right now, and I know that that can feel hard, but this is where you are. Show up for it. You only have this time right now with your teen before they're grown and gone. They'll never be this age again. So show up. This is your life. Be here for it.   Number five, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. Sometimes we feel like we should be further along than we are. We feel like we should be making more progress. The tree should be producing more fruit at this point, right? But you are exactly where you're supposed to be. I promise that it's true because that is where you are.  Stop arguing with reality except that you are where you are and this is part of your journey and it is. Okay.   Number six, everything is figure outable. Every challenge you face, you can figure out, you could discover a new way to approach it, a new solution. And those solutions are already inside of you just waiting to be discovered. And when you think to yourself, everything is figure outable, I promise you are going to find those answers that you are searching for.   Number seven, it's not hard, it's just new or different. Sometimes the hardest thing about the experience we're going through is that it's different and new and we just haven't done it before. Just like any skill that we are trying to develop, we aren't gonna sit down and be great at it right at first. And the same is true with parenting. Every new stage you enter with a new child is new and different. You've never done it before, so of course it's not gonna feel easy, but that doesn't mean it's hard. It just means that it's new and different and you're gonna learn how to do it. Remember, everything is figure outable.   Number eight, everything I do is a choice, and this is what I'm choosing. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to show up for this teenager every single day. You don't have to drive them. You don't have to even stick around. There are plenty of people that just leave their kids and abandon them, but you are choosing to stay. You are choosing to show up. When you own that, it feels so much easier to keep showing up.   Number nine, I am building something amazing. When it gets really hard, think about who that teenager could become. Think about the person that they are going to be. You are building something amazing. You are shaping a life in a way that no one else on earth can. That is worth any sacrifice you have to make to keep going.   And finally, This is going to be fun. When you take this approach with whatever challenge you're facing, I promise you're gonna open yourself up to so many possible ways to make it more fun.   Keep going, keep trying, keep showing up because what you are doing is important. It matters, and you will eventually see the fruits of all that effort and energy and love you are pouring into parenting your teen. I'm going to keep showing up and cheering you on just like I have for the last 50 weeks.   And if you want more support and help and encouragement along your parenting journey, join me inside the Enjoy coaching community where I can help you personally with the struggles and challenges that you are facing in your parenting. https://client.jenbelltate.com/membership