Give More Grace === I have been doing a lot more coaching than normal over in my Enjoy community, and I think the reason why is that this time of year is particularly challenging for moms. There's the stuff that we manage and take care of and households to run all year long. But then we hit late November, early December, and all of a sudden we have a whole other set of holiday stuff that we are in charge of managing and arranging and coordinating. And it just feels like a lot. And then you add to that, teenagers are dealing with finals and holiday schedules and so much is going on in their lives that they're also experiencing some overwhelm and some frustration and some stress. And so they get more challenging to deal with during this time of year as well. While the actual challenges that these moms are facing have been vastly different from each other, very unique to their situation, I have noticed that a few different moms have said almost the exact same words to me. They say, I know that this is normal teenage behavior and it's just part of their development. I know that being a teenager is hard and they are dealing with so much. so much. I know my child is just really struggling and they don't know how to handle it. But I seem to take the brunt of all of their frustration. And sometimes I just can't hold it together anymore and I lose it and I don't want to be that kind of mom. I love these moms. And if you have ever felt this way, I want you to know that you are not alone. This is such a common way that we feel when we want to be an amazing mom, because we love our kids so much that we just want to give them the very, very best of ourselves. I want to applaud you for being that kind of a mom. This approach to motherhood will literally change the world that we live in. It will have such an impact on your kids and on their kids and on their kids for generations to come. So congratulations if you can relate to this because that means you are on the right path. Along with that, I want to give you some encouragement and some advice that I think can really help you if you happen to be in this place like so many other moms right now. I am so passionate about giving our teenagers grace, about understanding Who they are, where they are, how their development works so that we can meet them right where they are and love them right where they are. That is what it takes for us to be able to teach them and lead them and help them through the challenges of being a teenager. Honestly, this is a big part of the reason I do what I do. I want to share this message with the whole world that we have to give our teenagers grace for being where they are. I grew up, and maybe you did too, in a society that said, no, we don't need to give our teenagers grace. What we need to do is get them to behave better. We need to do whatever we can to get them to be the people we want them to be. We need to push them. We need to help them rise to our expectations. But the truth is that doesn't work. It's driven by guilt and fear and manipulation. And even if we get compliance from them, it comes at a great cost. It costs them healthy relationships, their mental health, and ultimately their long term happiness. It comes with a lifetime of recovery and healing, and unlearning all of the unhealthy coping mechanisms that they used just to survive. I have a feeling that if you are here listening to this podcast episode, at least part of this message has gotten through and touched your heart. You know that you want something different than the fear based, and manipulation based, and guilt based approach to parenting that you may have grown up with. It starts with giving your teenager grace. With truly trying to understand where they are, how their development works, what they're capable of, and what their potential truly is. With letting go of our expectations for what we want for them, and instead supporting them in becoming who they want to become. This is a big part of the work that we do inside of Enjoy, which is why all these moms that I've been coaching have started there with, I understand that this is normal teenage behavior. I understand that being a teenager is hard. I'm trying to see their perspective. I'm trying to give my teenager grace. But hand in hand with giving our teenagers grace comes giving ourselves grace as moms. This is the part I think so often we forget that we have so much going on. We have a lot on our plates. We are doing our best to be intentional, thoughtful, influential mothers. And sometimes we are going to fall short. We are not perfect humans. And so we have to give ourselves the same grace that we are trying to give our teenagers. There's a story that I often share with moms who are struggling to give their teens grace. And I think that sharing this story will help you see how you can give yourself some grace as well. A few months ago, my mom was in town and we were getting ready to do something fun later in the day. It was a Saturday and I had asked all of my kids to get their jobs done . And one of my daughters in particular had slept in and she was having A rough day. She just was not herself, and she was really dragging her feet on getting her jobs done. Everyone else had gotten everything done really quickly and was ready to go. And this particular daughter, I had asked a few different times in a few different ways, and she just hadn't done anything. And my mom said, so what do you do if they don't do their jobs? How does that work? And I told her, I think about who this child is most of the time. 99. 5 percent of the time, this particular daughter is the one who moves someone's laundry load because they forgot. And picks up the stuff on the stairs and carries it up for her sibling. She's the one that sees that the fridge is kind of a mess and volunteers to clean it out. She's the one who is usually the quickest to get her jobs done and does probably the best job of anyone in the family at getting them done well. So, I told my mom, I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna understand that we all have hard moments and this is one of hers. And so after I've asked and encouraged if she still chooses not to do it, I'm just gonna give her grace. My friend, I hope that you will apply this same strategy with your teens, but I especially hope that you will apply it to yourself. I see you out there taking a deep breath and holding your tongue when your teen is dishing out all the attitude and all you want to do is be snarky right back. I see you helping with homework and filling in the gaps when your kids drop the ball. I see you skipping that one chance you had for a shower today to get in the car and drive a notebook to the high school because someone left their homework on the counter. I see you out there trying to focus on all the things you love about your teen instead of all the things that drive you crazy. I see you giving your teen a second chance and a third chance. And a fourth chance. I see you trying to make room in your budget for those ridiculously expensive brand name shoes your teen has on their Christmas list because you just want to give them what they really want. Think about your parenting as a whole. What kind of parent are you most of the time? How do you respond most of the time? And if, when you do this exercise, you find that you have areas where you are lacking as a parent, where you want to improve, where you want to be more intentional, I would love to help you make those changes inside of Enjoy. That is where I can help you and support you and guide you as you develop the parenting skills that you need to be the intentional parent that you want to be. But if you find that most of the time you already are the parent that you want to be, I want to invite you to give yourself some grace. When you fall short, when you are not the parent that you want to be in that moment, can you think to yourself, yes, I wish I could do that differently. I wish I hadn't yelled and I wish I could be more patient, but today I wasn't. So today, what I need is grace. If you need a friend who can remind you to give yourself grace in the moments when you need it, not to let yourself off the hook, not to stop trying, but to give yourself the kind of grace that will keep you on the path to becoming the parent you want to be. I would love to be that friend for you. That is exactly what I do as a coach, and if you are interested in finding out more about how you can get that kind of support from me on your parenting journey, please reach out so we can figure out how I can support you best wherever you are right now.
