If you are listening to this episode, the week that it airs, it is Thanksgiving week in the U. S. And I happen to love Thanksgiving. It's one of my very favorite holidays because I love gratitude and the power that it has in my life and in the lives of my kids. I love the way that gratitude can completely change the way we experience something and make it exponentially better. So, in honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to spend this episode sharing a few of the things that I appreciate the most about my teenagers. And I hope that as I share these things, you will start to think about all the things you appreciate about your teens. The other day, my husband and I were getting ready to go out on a date night, and we had told the kids that they would be in charge of dinner for the night. A few minutes later, my 10 year old son came in carrying this giant Costco sized bag of chicken nuggets from the freezer. And he announced, "everybody's got to tell me how many chicken nuggets they want tonight because I'm making dinner." He proceeded to get out the air fryer and take everyone's order and make chicken nuggets for everyone to have for dinner and I thought it was just the cutest thing That he took the initiative and felt totally confident that he could go ahead and make dinner that night. Now I know he's not technically a teenager, But my older girls are also super helpful when it comes to dinner. One of them is really fantastic baker and she can make some fantastic sourdough bread to go with anything we're eating. And the other loves to find really healthy recipes and cook these gourmet meals for our whole family. Sometimes she just decides she wants to cook and she takes over dinner for the night. But I love that my kids have reached an age where they can help with meals and they can help with dinner. And all of the responsibility for meals doesn't have to be on me. Another thing I appreciate about my teens is that we can finally watch TV shows and movies that we all like together. Recently, we finished Gilmore Girls, the whole series, and I had never watched it before, but it was so fun that everybody was like, Hey! Is everybody ready to watch another episode of Gilmore Girls tonight? And we could all gather together and be excited to watch this show together. Another thing I appreciate about my teens is that when they help around the house, it is actually helpful. For so many years, we have done chores because I want them to learn the value of hard work and I want them to learn how to do these things and keep things clean and take responsibility. But finally, it is actually helpful when they do their chores and their jobs around the house. And even when they just pick things up because they notice that they need to be cleaned. As I've mentioned, my oldest son just left home to serve a mission for our church. And his job at our house over the past few years has been to clean up the backyard every Saturday. And he would get out the leaf blower and blow everything and rake and clean it up. And our yard always looked so fantastic! And we are really missing him now that he's gone because he did a really good job. It wasn't just about having him do the work. He actually made our yard look better every week. And we are very much missing that and having to fill in for him now. Now, this next one doesn't apply to all teenagers, but once my kids have learned how to drive, I so appreciate that they drive their siblings anywhere I need them to drive them. They will run errands for me, they will pick things up, and they get themselves where they need to go, most importantly. And it saves me so much time. I appreciate it so much. I appreciate that my kids will tell me what they really think. A lot of people will just tell you what you want to hear, but if you ask a teenager what they really think about your outfit, they are going to tell it to you straight. My daughters are never afraid to tell me if they think I look cringe, but they also aren't afraid to say, "mom, your hair looks so good today. What did you do to it?" Either way, I know they really mean it because they're gonna tell me the truth. Another thing I really appreciate about having teenagers is that they start to notice some of the sacrifices that you make for them. My kids really love brie and crackers, but they really like these certain crackers that I have to make a special trip to Whole Foods to buy, and we call them the brie crackers. And the other day, I went to Whole Foods and I picked up these crackers and it was all gone within a day or two, but every one of my kids was like, thank you so much, mom, for picking these up. These are our favorite. We love these so much. And it just. It's so nice to be appreciated for the sacrifices that you're making. And when our kids are younger, I think they appreciate the things that we do, but they don't realize how much effort it takes to go to a different store and then another store, right? They just don't notice all of that effort and time that it takes. But as our kids get older and they start to do more things for themselves and have more responsibility, they realize how much effort and time and love and attention you put into picking up their favorite treat or doing something for them or dropping off their lunch at school, and they really start to appreciate those things more. Another thing that I really appreciate about having older kids is that they can coordinate their own social calendar. I coordinated plenty of playgroups and play dates and all the things with my kids when they were little, but it is so nice to not have to be the one that determines whether or not they have something to do on a Friday night. That is on them. They get to do it. And because of that, I feel like we've always been kind of early in giving our kids cell phones, because I want to pass off the torch of coordinating their social calendar to them. And I love that about having teens. I also really appreciate that teenagers can stay home alone by themselves and you don't always have to coordinate a babysitter or make arrangements or tag team your grocery shopping or whatever. You can leave them and they are going to be just fine. In fact, they kind of like being home alone. And while there are probably a million more things that I appreciate about my teenagers, the last one I want to share today is that they have the best stories. I love hearing their random stories from dates that they go on, to the funny things their friends did, to the crazy conversation they overheard at lunch. It is just the best. And my favorite part about it is that they are all unique in the way they tell stories because they're all unique in the way they see the world. So some of my kids, their stories are like a drama, and some are like a comedy, and some are like a full blown soap opera. Either way, I'm always so excited to hear their stories, and I love to get to know them better by hearing their perspective and the way they see the world. Just noticing these things that you appreciate about your teen can change the whole dynamic of your relationship with them and can really give you a more positive perspective on who they are as a person. But if you want to take it even one step further, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate these things. Make sure you let them know that you notice and you're so grateful for these things that they do. I want to share a few quick tips to help you show that appreciation to your teen. The first tip is to notice the little stuff. I think we look for the big, wonderful, amazing things our teenagers do, and sometimes we miss out on just the little things they do every single day. The more we show appreciation for those little things, the more they will do them. The next tip I have for you is not to forget to appreciate the things they do because they're expected to do them. Make sure you show appreciation when they do helpful things around the house: when they help with dinner, when they drive their siblings, when they do their chores, just because it's something that you think they should do, doesn't mean they have to do it. And it definitely doesn't mean they have to do it willingly. So make sure you show appreciation for the things they do to meet your expectations. And the final tip I have for you is that showing appreciation on a regular, consistent, daily basis is so much better than one big act of appreciation every once in a while. While it is great to surprise them with their favorite treat as a show of your appreciation or do something extra special for them, To let them know how much you appreciate them. It is the everyday thank yous and notes on their pillow and text messages that say, Hey, I really appreciate that you took the garbage out before you left for school today. Those little things add up and they are the things your teen will remember. They are also the best way that you can set an example of gratitude for them, because what they see all the time and what they experience all the time, has the biggest influence on how they will act. The example you set of showing appreciation and gratitude is the largest indicator of how your teen will show appreciation and gratitude in their life as well. I hope that these tips have been helpful and that as I have shared The things that I appreciate about my teens that you have thought of so many things you appreciate about your own teens. And I challenge you this week to make sure you take the time to let your teen know how much you appreciate them and be specific. Give them specific examples of things that you appreciate about them. If you enjoy this podcast and it is helpful for you, I would invite you to join me inside of my Enjoy Coaching community. It is the best way that I can support you as you are applying the things you learn here on the podcast and make sure you have all the resources you need to make parenting teens easier.
