I have loved hearing from so many of you who have reached out to me to let me know that last week's podcast episode on the gift of grace was exactly what you needed to hear. That it was exactly the message that you needed in this busy season of life to remind yourself to give yourself grace and to give your teenagers grace as we all navigate this together. And I'm so thankful that that resonated with you. I've also gotten some messages from moms who are like, But how do I do this? It's so hard to give myself grace. And as I've been thinking about these moms who have reached out to me, I just want to take them in a great big bear hug and let them know that they are doing okay. that everything is going to be okay. And so today, what I want to share with you is a simple practice that can help us get through the busy and hard and challenging times in our lives, but it's also the perfect practice to adopt as we come into a brand new year. This practice is called looking for glimmers. and she talks about what glimmers are. And she explains that they are the opposite of a trigger. They're these micro moments of goodness in your life. They are the moments when we feel safe. When we feel connected to other people, when we feel calm and like our nervous system is regulated. When I was a young mom, I remember having these kind of moments all the time, but I didn't have the language to describe them. I didn't know what a glimmer was back then, so I couldn't call them glimmers. But what I used to say is, I just want to bottle this moment up and keep it forever. I just wanted these moments to keep lasting because they were just so good and so sweet and so magical. I felt so safe and so connected. And now that I better understand what a glimmer is, I can look back and think, that is what I was experiencing in that moment. and as we start to notice these moments, these glimmers more often in our lives, it actually can change the chemistry of our brain. As we notice more of them, we strengthen the connection in our brain that is looking for the good, that is looking for those magical moments in our lives. And so we start to see more of them. And the more of these moments that we notice and experience, the better we get at regulating our nervous system. Our nervous system gets better at being in that calm and peaceful state, that joyful state instead of always feeling overwhelmed and frantic and like we just can't keep up. Noticing the glimmers also helps to change our perspective so that instead of always Being on the hunt for what is going wrong, we start to see more of what is going right in our lives, and we start to see things through a more hopeful and positive perspective. So how do we look for the glimmers? How do we find more of these glimmers in our lives? There are a lot of different ways that you can approach this, but I love Deb Dana's approach to start small. Just look for one glimmer every single day. Now, this reminds me of keeping a gratitude journal, of finding one thing to be grateful for every single day. And that is a perfect way to start this practice. If you haven't ever done it. Another approach that I love comes from the book, the power of fun by Catherine Price. And in that book, she describes a practice she adopted from someone else called delight. And when she experiences something, one of these glimmer moments that she finds delight in. She actually lifts up her pointer finger in the air and says, delight. And it reinforces that she's noticing that moment in the moment when it's happening. And that's another really simple way that you can notice more of these glimmers in your life. Catherine emphasizes that it's actually really important to point at the object that's bringing you delight or lift your finger in the air and say the word delight out loud. When we do this, we involve more of our senses and so our brain remembers those moments even better. She says that noticing these moments of delight is like tuning your radio to a certain frequency. So instead of being tuned to the frequency of everything that's going wrong, you start to be tuned to the frequency of delight. And so you notice more of that, you see more of that, and you attract more of that into your life. Because I have seen the power of this, not only in my own life, but also with my clients, this is something that I do inside of my Facebook group. Teens are not the worst. Every single week, there are two challenges that will happen without fail. One is looking for hearts, and that is where I ask moms to share one thing that they have noticed about their teen in the last week that they love or appreciate about them. The other is sharing their mom wins. And that is to notice one thing that they have done in the last week that has worked or that has felt like a success to them. And even if someone gets nothing else out of that Facebook group, these two challenges can completely change their experience of motherhood because it leans into this idea of looking for glimmers. Because they have to type the response, It's more than just noticing the moment, it's actually remembering that moment and re- experiencing that moment and sharing it with others. When you notice a glimmer, Deb Dana recommends three steps that you take. The first is to notice that moment. The second is to savor it, to involve your senses, to experience that moment and just sit in it. And the third is to share it. There is so much power in sharing your glimmers with others. Not only can the other person validate your experience, but just the process of telling it and remembering it allows you to experience it again. And that is powerful. Not only that, but you are changing the conversations that you're having in your life to be more focused on glimmers, on the positive. And that can bring even more connection and feeling of safety into your life. I want to encourage you to find the glimmers in your life, to savor them, to engage your senses in experiencing those glimmer moments. And then I want to challenge you to share them with others. I invite you to join me inside of my Facebook group where you can do that every single week. But I also want to encourage you to find someone who you can share your glimmers with every single day. Maybe that's a spouse, maybe it's a friend, maybe it is your teenager. Can you imagine how powerful that could be in your relationship with your teen to share your glimmers with each other every single day? And that could be in person. It could be in passing. It could be via text message. It could be sending a message to each other on Instagram. However you want to share your glimmers with each other, imagine how it would change your conversations that you're having with your teen. And imagine how it might help them start to change their brain chemistry and see the glimmers in their own life. When they do that, they are happier, you are happier, and you can have a stronger and better relationship with each other. The final thing I want to share before we wrap up this episode is that it is okay to find the glimmers even when things are really hard. Even when you are grieving, even when you are mourning, even when you are suffering, there are still glimmers to be found. And I want you to know that it is okay to find those glimmers of joy when you are in a dark moment and when you are in a dark time. Finding glimmers does not invalidate the hard things you might be going through, but it can help you find more hope and more peace and more calm and more safety and more connection and more love in your life. And when do we need more of that than when we are in the midst of a really hard struggle? I want you to know that if you need someone to share your glimmers with, or if you need more help finding glimmers in your life, I am here for you. You can join my Facebook group and we can share in there, or you can reach out to me and I would love to help and support you on your parenting journey. I am so thankful for this platform, for this podcast, where I am able to help you with your parenting without even knowing you. But I want you to know that I can help you so much more in person, and you can get my help personally inside of my Enjoy coaching community. So if this is helping you, if you are loving what you hear on the podcast, I want you to know that what you will find in Enjoy is even Better and it's there waiting for you whenever you are ready.
