81. Check Your Vibe === When it comes to my teenagers, it seems like everything is all about the vibe. They are so cognizant of how things feel to them, of how things come across, of the aesthetic, and they're so invested in that. And it's actually kind of fun to watch. Now, granted, I have three teenage daughters, so this may not be quite the same if you have boys, but Regardless of your child's gender, teenagers seem to have this sense for figuring out the vibe of what's really happening around them. Honestly, I think this is why coaching is so effective when it comes to parenting teens, because it isn't just about what we say or what we do, it's the vibe we have when we say it or do it. And our teenagers pick up on that so quickly and so easily. So I want to talk a little bit today about your vibe. What is your vibe and what do you want it to be moving through the rest of 2024? My favorite example of this is the background music in movies. I think I've shared this before, but I am not a scary movie watcher. I don't like scary movies or intense movies or violent movies. They just get stuck in my brain and give me nightmares and I can't sleep. And that would be fine if I was talking about like horror slasher movies, but I'm talking about your basic superhero movie can be too much for me to handle. And so my poor husband for the 20 years we've been married has been relegated to watching basically just chick flicks and comedies with me. But every once in a while, there's a movie that kind of crosses those lines that we want to watch, and there are some intense scenes. But the good news is every movie has background music. And so I can tell what is coming based on what the music is doing. So sometimes when that music starts to get really intense or a little scary, I can just leave the room and have him update me after that scene is over and the music has died down. The same thing happens in romantic comedies. You can always tell when there's going to be conflict in the relationship or things aren't going to work out because of the music that is playing in the background. It sets the tone. It sets the vibe. If your life was a movie, what kind of music would be playing in the background? When your teenager walks in the room, what kind of music is playing? When they leave for school, what kind of music is playing? And think about the reverse. If your teen was the main character in the movie, and you walked in the room, what kind of music would be playing? When I was a teenager, there was this local theater in Salt Lake, where I grew up, that my friends and I loved to go to. It was called the Desert Star Playhouse. I'm sure it still exists. But they used to put on these Parody or spoof shows. And it was really fun because they had a live pianist Sitting over in one of the wings and they would play different music based on what was happening on stage. And one of the most fun things that would happen is when the villain would come out on stage They would play villain music and everyone would boo and hiss and when the hero would come out on stage They would play hero music and everyone would cheer. And as the audience, we've never seen the performance before, but we knew exactly how to respond based on the music that the pianist was playing. So, with this in mind, I want you to think a little bit about your vibe. If you are on my email list, you got an email from me last week talking about a new approach to setting New Year's resolutions. And in that email, I encouraged people to consider how they want to feel in the coming year. Instead of just Setting goals for what they want to do or what they want to accomplish. Because even if we do all the things we want to do and accomplish all the things we want to accomplish, if we are completely miserable while we are doing them and accomplishing them, was it really worth it? And the same is true in our parenting. Even if we do all the things that we think would make us a great parent, but we are completely miserable in the process, or our teen can't stand being around us in the process, is any of it really worth it? The goal is connection. The goal is a relationship that lasts after your teen moves out of the house. And if every interaction we have with them would have intense, ominous background music playing if it happened to be a movie, we are missing out on so much joy that we could be experiencing. So, as we start this new year, here's what I suggest. The first thing I want you to do is check your vibe. I want you to check it in three different areas. I want you to think about your life in general. Have you seen the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law and Kate Winslet and Jack Black? One of my favorite scenes in that movie is when Jack Black's character writes theme songs for different people in the movie. And each of these theme songs really convey the personality of the person they represent. If there was a theme song written about you, what would that theme song sound like? What music would play to let the audience know that you're coming into the scene? Okay. Now that you've done a general vibe check for your life in general, you as a person, I want you to think about yourself as a parent. What is the vibe that you have music would be playing when you interact with your children or when you're thinking about your children? And finally, I want you to do a vibe check on how your kids see you. What music do you think they would hear playing when you come on the scene? I know this might take some time for you to think about and process, and that's okay. Take all the time you need to really figure out those three vibe checks. And once you do, I want you to consider the following questions. Is that the vibe you want? And if not, How do you wish it was different? And finally, what would need to change for me to have more of the vibe I want in these three areas: in my life in general, in my interactions with my kids, and in the way my kids see me? I know you are immediately going to think of all the things that you could do differently, but I want you to know that it starts with how you are thinking about your life. The thoughts you have about yourself, the thoughts you have about your kids and the thoughts you have about how your kids perceive you, determine how you feel. And how you feel impacts everything you do. I would absolutely love to help you figure out those thoughts and feelings that are impacting every part of your life, especially your parenting. You can join me inside of Enjoy where you can get access to help from me directly, or you can reach out and I can share other ways that I can support and help you on your parenting journey. I am cheering you on every step of the way.
