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3 Essential Teen Cell Phone Rules

podcast Aug 22, 2023

This is Going to Be FUN: the Podcast

Episode 61: 3 Essential Cell Phone Rules for Teens

Episode Summary:

3 Essential Teen Cell Phone Rules

Stressed about setting teen cell phone rules? πŸ“±

You're not alone! Navigating the world of technology with your teen can be a real challenge. But it doesn't have to be a battle.

Learn the 3 essential teen cell phone rules we have in our family to help them build healthy tech habits, stay safe online and avoid common pitfalls like teen phone addiction.

Your teen’s phone can be the gateway to independence, connection, learning and creativity. Let’s stop making cell phones the enemy and teach our teens how to use this powerful tool wisely.

Join me over on Instagram or Facebook and let’s continue this conversation!

 

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Stressed about setting teen cell phone rules?

When it comes to raising teenagers, one of the biggest things parents struggle with is how to navigate teen cell phone rules. How much time should they have on their phone? How do we avoid teenage phone addiction? When should they get a phone? What should be the rules around the phone? How do I get them off their phone? 

How to navigate teens and technology

There are so many decisions and so many factors to consider when it comes to teen cell phone rules. But there are also so many resources to help you with this topic. 

There are classes you can take, workshops you can attend, and cell phone contracts you can download. You can enroll your child in programs to learn better skills for managing their cell phone and overcoming teenage cell phone addiction. cell phone contracts you can download. 

There are so many people trying to help parents navigate this topic. And yet, it seems like it’s still such a challenge for so many parents. 

While I would not consider myself an expert on this topic, I have done a lot of research about teens and cell phones. I’ve taken a lot of these classes and downloaded a lot of these contracts and follow these experts. I have tried a lot of things in my own family and with my coaching clients and have learned a LOT in the process. 

Stop hating on your teen’s cell phone

Before I share the essential teen cell phone rules we have at our house, we need to talk about the way you think about your teen’s phone. 

You have to stop making cell phones the enemy. The more you hate your teenager’s cell phone, the more they will love it. 

Cell phones have been vilified and pretty much everyone agrees that teens spend too much time on their phones these days. And in some ways that is true.

 

The Ultimate All-In-One Tool

The reason your teen is on their phone all the time is because it is one tool that does so many things! You probably did a lot of the same things as a teen, you just didn’t have one tool that did it all. 

Did you ever… 

  • Read magazines and take quizzes to find out which celebrity crush would swoon for you?
  • Sit by the radio waiting for your favorite songs to come on so you could hit record and make the ULTIMATE mix tape?
  • Ditch your family and find a quiet place to read books?
  • Take silly pictures with your friends
  • Spend hours on the family phone talking to your BFF or your latest crush?
  • Play video games like Super Mario Brothers or Duck Hunt or games like Tetris or Snake on your graphing calculator?
  • Make dozens of calls to your friends to make plans and coordinate where you would meet, who could drive and how you would all get home?

Your teen’s cell phone has replaced… all of these things. 

For your teen, their cell phone is EVERYTHING!

  • Independence
  • Connection
  • Learning
  • Creating
  • Entertainment
  • Information: to stay informed about the world AND what’s happening with their friends and classmates

Teen cell phone addiction is real and it is a huge problem, but spending a lot of time on their phone, doesn’t always mean they are addicted to it. It is important to realize the importance of the different ways your teen is using their phone. 

While cell phones aren’t all bad – they aren’t all good either!

I am not going to pretend that there aren’t also a lot of bad things about cell phones. 

There are so many dangers that come along with your child having access to the internet in the palm of their hand, but fear will not lead to the best parenting decisions. 

When my oldest child turned two, my father in law gave him a real hammer with a wooden work bench and nails to drive into the wood. I was not thrilled about it and he was not allowed to use it without supervision. 

A hammer is a tool that can break or injure, but it is also a tool that can build. 

The same is true of your child’s cell phone. It is a tool and it can be used for good, but it can also be used in ways that are very destructive.

Our role as parents is to teach our kids how to use this tool.

It will require a lot of teaching and supervision. And, just like anyone learning to use a hammer for the first time, your teen is probably going to smash their finger a couple of times. Mistakes are part of the process. You don’t have to be afraid of those mistakes, but you do need to plan and prepare for them.

The 3 Essential Teen Cell Phone Rules You Should Consider Setting

These essential cell phone rules that we have in our family are the way we teach, supervise and prepare for the inevitable mistakes our teens will make. They make it easier for my kids to learn how to use technology in safe and effective ways, while avoiding mistakes that will have long-lasting detrimental effects.

1. Your teenager needs a cell phone curfew

Having a “cell phone curfew” is a rule I think every family should have. You can have your teens turn in their cell phones at night, have the wifi automatically turn off at a certain time, or set up limits with the parental controls.  

I could do an entire podcast episode on all the benefits of having a curfew for your child’s cell phone. But here are 2 main reasons this rule is so important: 

  • Your teenager’s brain development depends on high-quality sleep. Screens should be turned off at least an hour before bed to avoid interfering with their sleep patterns. Many teens who keep their phones with them at night actually wake up throughout the night to respond to text messages, interrupting their sleep and giving them lower quality sleep overall.
  • A cell-phone curfew can prevent your teen from getting involved in a lot of the problematic stuff happening on cell phones late at night. Teens are much more likely to send inappropriate pictures, participate in cyber-bullying and stir up drama when they are unattended with their phones overnight. 

2. Create Tech-free Zones in your House

We have a few tech-free zones at our house: no cell phones in bedrooms, bathrooms or at the dinner table. 

Occasionally, I will allow phones in bedrooms if my kids have asked permission, have a good reason for being in their room and have their door open the whole time. 

It is a lot more effective if you have open conversations about WHY you have this teen cell phone rule. These are our biggest reasons for having tech-free zones. 

  • Tech-free bathrooms and bedrooms reduce the risk of pornography or sending and receiving inappropriate pictures. When phones are not allowed in more private areas, it’s much less likely that you are going to be sending/receiving/viewing inappropriate pictures.
  • Tech-free bedrooms promote better sleep. Our brains associate the things we do with the places we go. When bedrooms are a tech-free zone, your teen’s brain will associate their room with sleeping and relaxing instead of texting, checking social media or doing homework.
  • Tech-free dinner table promotes connection and conversation. It shows our teens that family dinner is important. Family dinners have so many benefits for teenagers including better mental and physical health, better relationships and friendships, and even better academic performance in school.

3. Don’t rely on Apple Screentime

After lots of research and trying tons of phone monitoring programs, we decided to use Apple Screentime for our family. And while I think Apple Screentime is great and makes it simple to set limits without slowing down their phones, I do not rely on it (or any other program) to keep my teens safe on their phones. 

Apple Screentime helps prevent teenage phone addiction by reminding my kids of the commitments they have made to use technology in safe ways. But, we don’t just set it up and hope all the limits work to restrict their time, apps and access to inappropriate content or online predators. 

The truth is no software program or technology is ever going to fully keep your teenager safe on their cell phone or on the internet in general. You have to teach them the skills to monitor themselves and develop healthy habits. 

I set up Apple Screen Time with my kids there. It’s a discussion with them to set guidelines for themselves because ultimately that’s what they’re going to have to do. 

Involve Your Teen In Setting Up Limits

We discuss how much time they want to spend playing games on their phone and how much time they think they should spend on social media. We talk about which apps they need access to at different times of the day. And they know that we can make adjustments to these limits any time. 

When we’ve made those decisions together, the kids are responsible to respect the boundaries they have set up for themselves.

Of course, I make suggestions to help them set healthy boundaries and enforce consequences for violating those boundaries. But it is important not to think that once you set everything up that it will keep your child safe.

Apple Screentime is like a Bumper Lane

Apple Screentime is like adding bumpers to your bowling lane. They help the ball stay in the lane so it can hit the pins without going in the gutter. But you can always throw the ball in a way that doesn’t hit the pins or bends the bumpers or jumps over the top of the bumpers. 

The same is true with your teen. There are ways that they can get around every limitation. But the goal of the limitations isn’t to control their behavior, it is to teach them good habits so they can control their own behavior. That is a skill that will serve them long after the controls are off their phone. 

Need more help setting teen cell phone rules?

I hope that these three essential cell phone rules will at least give you a place to start in thinking about what rules you want to have around cell phones in your home.

And if you want more help setting rules, addressing teen cell phone addiction, adjusting your mindset or getting rid of your fear about your teen’s cell phone I would love to help. 

Depending on what you need, I can support you inside of the ENJOY Coaching Community or work with you to make big changes fast through 1:1 coaching

Come say hello over on Instagram and let’s continue this conversation about teen cell phone rules. I would love to hear more from you about the rules that you have around phones with your teenagers and how things are going when it comes to phones and teens.

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