Podcast – 5 Things to Love About Your Teenager A few years ago I was serving as the PTO President at my kids’ elementary school. I was working with a friend from the PTO board on a project in the teachers’ lounge when one of the staff members came in and stopped to chat with us. I didn’t know this woman very well, but she was telling my friend about how horrible middle school is and how my friend should start preparing now for how awful it would be. She went on about how irresponsible and disrespectful and mean middle schoolers are. After listening to this conversation for a while and feeling bad that this was the perspective my friend was hearing about middle school, I felt compelled to add my experience to the conversation. “You know, I haven’t had that experience with middle school,” I told her “My kids have actually had a pretty good experience so far. Their friends are great, they are learning a ton and I think they have really thrived having more responsibility and independence and variety. In fact, I am really enjoying the middle school years.” This woman looked at me like I was a green alien from Mars. I realized in that moment that my perception of teenagers was not normal. I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I actually genuinely loved having teenagers. Now don’t get me wrong, I had two middle schoolers at the time and they were far from perfect. We struggled through stuff just like anyone, but I had never felt that hopeless resignation that it was just going to be horrible no matter what and you had to grit your teeth and power through. I credit most of that to the fact that I had discovered the world of coaching in the years leading up to that and had even hired a coach to help me manage my mind. Coaching had helped me in many areas of my life, but it helped me approach parenting from a completely different lens and made it so much more enjoyable. Plus, I had spent a lot of years changing diapers and helping with last-minute diorama book reports and paying babysitters so I could go to the grocery store alone. I genuinely just loved so many things about this new phase of having teenagers! Now, you may never LOVE the teen years the way I do, and that is totally fine, but today, I want to offer you 5 things I LOVE about having teenagers so that maybe you can start to see them in your own life or realize some things you love about your teen. 1. They can figure anything out One of my daughters is a yelp enthusiast. Whenever we talk about where to go for dinner or a girls day manicure or a fun activity, she pulls up yelp, reads the reviews and makes a few suggestions. While we are discussing and wondering and making no progress toward a decision, she takes the initiative and figures it out. Another daughter loves going thrift shopping. I hate thrift shopping (and shopping in general) so she makes convincing arguments that are almost impossible to say no to or coordinates elaborate plans to make sure she can go thrifting when she wants. Even when it is complicated to make it work, she always figures it out. Teens are resourceful. Because they are in a state of learning all the time, they aren’t afraid to try something new if it means it might get them what they want. They are quick to adopt new ideas and quick to learn new skills. If they want to try a new hairstyle or makeup trend, they will figure out a way to learn how to do it. If they want to hang out with friends, they will figure out a way to make it happen. If they really don’t want to do an assignment for school, they might just figure out how to get out of it. If you say no, they will try and figure out a way to still get what they want. Isn’t it crazy that the very things that drive you crazy about your teen are also the things that are pretty impressive about them? 2. They have their own opinions and interesting perspectives When our kids are little, they have opinions and ideas of their own, but most of their understanding of the world comes from us. For example, when elementary school teachers have mock presidential elections, the kids usually vote for whichever candidate their parents support. But as they get older, they are exposed to opinions that differ from ours and they start to have their own experiences that shape the way they see the world. Different causes touch their heart and pique their interest. Sometimes this can cause some tension in our relationships because they disagree with us, but I love to hear my teens’ perspectives on the world. I learn so much about them when we discuss politics, religion, current events, school policies and even the choices their friends are making. I often come away with a new understanding and a new respect for what they think and who they are becoming. Next time your teen disagrees with you, get curious and find out how they see it and why they have the opinion they do. You might be surprised by what you learn. 3. They are entertaining Teenagers are so much fun to hang out with! Remember how we talked about teenagers brains a couple episodes back? Just like all brains, teenagers’ brains are wired to seek pleasure and fun, but the part of their brain that thinks about the long-term consequences of seeking that pleasure and fun is still under construction. It’s still developing. Teens don’t let responsibility and logic get in the way of living life to the fullest! It is like they have a little fun radar that is always turned on and guiding them to opportunities for fun. They blast their music loud, they laugh as much as possible and can turn anything into a game (when they want to). Teens live in the moment and are always up for trying new things. And since they spend a lot of time with friends, they always have some good stories. Who doesn’t enjoy a big dramatic breakup story, a complicated love triangle or story about that one friend who is always doing crazy stuff? I mean, The Bachelor has been on-air for 20 years now, and that is pretty much just high school drama on repeat, right? I also love watching my teens develop their own sense of humor. Whether they are witty, sarcastic, clever, subtle or just kind of clueless about what is happening around them, I find myself laughing all the time when I spend time with my teens and their friends. Take some time to look for the ways your teen is super entertaining and get ready for more laughter in your life. 4. Teens are unpredictable Adulting is kind of boring sometimes. You spend your days on the hamster wheel of motherhood doing the same tasks all day long just to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. The dishes keep getting dirty, the laundry keeps accumulating and there is always some meal to be prepared. Teenagers add an element of excitement to our otherwise boring and predictable adult lives. You never know what you are going to get when it comes to your teen. Sometimes they think you are awesome and sometimes they think you are the worst and sometimes they switch back and forth between them in matter of minutes. Sometimes they are super helpful and sometimes you can’t get them to do anything. Sometimes they are hilarious and sometimes the things they say really sting. It is kind of like an epic adventure movie where you never know what is coming next. Instead of thinking something has gone wrong or worrying about what might happen next, I love to just be surprised as I watch it unfold. Teens interests can change as fast as fashion trends so we get to experience a variety of stuff from the sidelines. You may be a soccer mom today and a drama mom tomorrow and a few months from now you will be watching robotics competitions. You will come out the other side of the teen years knowing all sorts of random stuff about sports and arts and hobbies and pop-culture that you never would have learned without your teen’s changing interests. 5. Teenagers are full of hope for the future The world is full of possibility and teens are hopeful and open to all of it! Because they haven’t even reached adulthood yet, teens feel like life hasn’t even really started. They have their whole life ahead of them and they are excited and hopeful about what the future will bring. As we get older and experience some of life’s disappointments and failures, we use those as evidence that not everything is possible, but our teens haven’t experienced this yet. They have failed plenty of times, but it has been expected as part of learning, so they don’t make it mean they should stop trying. Teens are awesome at dreaming about the life they could have and nothing stops them from dreaming big! They dream about their future spouse, their career, where they will go to college, where they want to travel, the jobs they could have, the contributions they want to make to the world, the family they will have and where they will live. It is like a game of MASH with unlimited options! Everything is on the table. Teens believe that they can make a difference and that the world can be better in the future than it is today. Teens inspire me to keep hoping, keep trying and keep advocating for the changes I want to see. Let their optimism and hope for the future inspire you! Dream with them, learn from failure with them, and remember that the best things in your life are still ahead of you! I know that every teen is different, and you might not see all of these qualities in your teen, but I hope it has inspired you to look for things you love about your teen because I promise there are so many things to love! If you want help finding things to love about YOUR teen, check out my FREE Connect with Your Teen Challenge at the link in the show notes. https://client.jenbelltate.com/10for10-connect-challenge These simple activities take 10 minutes or less and will help you identify lots of things to love about your teen AND deepen your connection with them in the process. As always, if you are enjoying this podcast, I would appreciate it so much if you would leave me a rating or review or share it with a friend. Let’s lighten the burden of parenting and bring more hope to our friends in the trenches of parenting teens.
