I don't know if your teenagers are as nostalgic as mine, but my teens love to watch classic Disney movies together. There is just something special and magical about watching those movies that came out when they were kids, that were favorites of theirs when they were kids, that they just love to do it again and again. So the other night we happened to have one of those rare occasions where our whole family was home, All at the same time, and we were having a movie night, and when the kids were deciding what they wanted to watch, they decided on Moana. Now, Moana is one of my favorite Disney movies, too. It came out when my kids were little, and I just, it spoke to my heart in such a special way. And it's funny and the music is so good. And I love the story. So of course I was all on board. Well, as we were watching Moana this time around, I could not help but see this movie through the lens of parenting teenagers. It was like, it hit me right in the face. I had never seen it in this way before. And now I could not unsee it. So today, I want to share what I saw with you. I am sure you are probably already familiar with the story of Moana, but just in case there's anyone out there that isn't, I'm going to give a tiny short little recap. So Moana is the daughter of the village chief. They live on an island and her dad is in charge of the whole island and she is the heir to that responsibility. She loves the water. She's always feeling called to go to the ocean and her dad will not let her. He wants her to stay on solid ground on the island. Well, eventually Moana's father convinces her to step into her role as the leader of the island and as she does, All of these things start going wrong on their island. The palm trees aren't producing the coconuts they used to produce. There are no fish for them to catch around the island. And eventually she realizes that what's happening is her island is slowly Dying. Her grandmother gives her this stone called the Heart of Te Fiti and tells her that the only way to save the island is for her to leave the safety of the island and go on a quest. She needs to find the demigod Maui who stole the Heart of Te Fiti in the first place. And get him to take it back to the mother island and restore the balance and save their island. So that is exactly what Moana does. She goes out on this quest, all on her own, to restore the heart of Te Fiti. There are a lot of adventures that they have along the way, but the part of the story that I really want to talk about is the part where they arrive at the Mother Island. And they are ready to restore the Heart of Te Fiti and complete the quest. But there is one more hurdle in the way before they can restore the Heart. The island is being guarded by this lava monster named Te Ka. Now this is a terrifying lava monster. It looks like the form of a human, but it is basically fiery burning mass and it is determined not to let them through. So Maui takes on Te Ka and his method is to attack, to use force and aggression to fight against Te Ka. He tries all sorts of methods to defeat Te Ka. He cuts off the arms, he irritates it, he distracts it. But Te Ka puts up such a good fight that Maui ultimately takes a hit that causes him to completely lose hope. And he abandons Moana. Now, in that moment when Maui leaves Moana, she also wants to give up. And she even gives the heart of Te Fiti back to the ocean and says, I am not the one. You picked the wrong girl to do this quest, but luckily the spirit of her grandmother comes to her and reminds her who she is and what her purpose is. And with a renewed sense of purpose and motivation, Moana continues on her quest alone to restore the heart of Te Fiti. Moana knows that she is not going to win this battle by brute force. She knows that she cannot fight Te Ka and win. So she tries a totally different strategy. She uses skill and maneuvering to try and distract Te Ka so that she can get around Te Ka without having to fight. And it works. She gets past Te Ka. But now Te Ka is really mad, hurling fireballs and trying to prevent Moana from reaching the Mother Island in any way they can. Luckily, Maui comes back and helps protect Moana so that she can get to the island and restore the Heart of Te Fiti. But when Moana reaches the island, she realizes that the island is gone. Feeling completely hopeless and defeated, Moana looks down at the Heart of Te Fiti in her hand. And then she looks up and sees Te Ka fuming and furious and raging, and she realizes who Te Ka really is. In that moment, she holds up the heart of Tefiti, and it catches the attention of Te Ka. She tells the ocean to let Te Ka come to her, and she starts to walk toward this fiery burning lava monster. And as she walks, she sings the most beautiful words. She sings, I have crossed the horizon to find you. I know your name. They have stolen the heart from inside you, but this does not define you. And at that moment, Te Ka reaches Moana, and Moana is washed over by a huge cloud of smoke. But then Te Ka stops as Moana sings the words, This is not who you are. You know who you are. Moana walks toward Te Ka and touches her forehead to Te Ka's. And then she returns the heart of Tefiti. To Te Ka. And immediately, Te Ka starts to shed this outer layer of lava and fire, revealing her true identity as Te Fiti. My friend, how often does your teenager feel like Te Ka? Like a burning ball of fury who is hurling fireballs in your direction as you are just trying to come and help them? And do we show up like Maui? Do we show up and fight them to the death? We manipulate them, we trick them, we punish them? Or do we show up like Moana, and we try and distract them so we can get around them and avoid them entirely without them catching us? We walk on eggshells and try not to do or say anything that might make this monster even worse. Or do we look underneath that outer, scary, raging, fiery shell? And see who they truly are. Do we see their struggle? Do we see their pain? Do we see that this terrifying outer shell is just a cover for a person who is hurting? A person who is lost and struggling and wondering who they are. I know it's tempting to want to fight back when those fiery balls are being hurled at you. I know it's tempting to want to avoid the fire altogether, but Or distract them so we don't have to deal with the fiery monster in front of us. But none of that will work if you are unwilling to see past the fiery outer layer and inside to who your teenager truly is and what they are going through. There is power in seeing your teenager for who they are. And in order to do that, you have to know who you are. So my job today is to be like Moana's grandmother who came to her and reminded her of who she was when she wanted to quit, when she wanted to back down. You, my friend, have been called as the mother of each child in your family. You have been given special gifts to help you see them for who they are. And just like Moana sings "and the call isn't out there at all. It's inside me." Your call is inside of you. And I know that you have heard it and I know that you are responding to it because you are here and you are listening to a podcast all about how to parent teens and you want to do better and you have a desire to do better and you are the person for this job. You were chosen for a reason. And I want to challenge you to see beneath the surface, to look at your teen for who they truly are. To see that their bad behavior is just an expression of an unmet need inside of them. And when you give your teen that gift, you give the whole world the gift of your teen who knows their true identity, who shares their gifts with the whole world. You are the chosen one for this quest. Don't ever forget it. If this episode has touched your heart and you feel called to parent in a different way and to start to do things differently in your home and with your teen, I want to invite you to join me inside of the ENJOY coaching community where I can support you and help you and guide you every step of the way. I will help you see what is underneath that outer shell and help you learn what is beneath your teen's bad behaviors. But most of all, I will remind you over and over and over and over again who you are, so you never give up on the work that only you can do.
