Since the year my husband and I got married, our family has gotten a new Christmas book every year. We have quite the collection: everything from Touch and Feel books about Santa to beautifully illustrated books filled with scripture passages about the birth of Christ. Years into this tradition, we decided to start another tradition to help us better enjoy this collection of books. Each day of December, we unwrap a Christmas book and read it together as a family around the Christmas tree. We snuggle together in our Christmas jammies and turn on all the twinkly Christmas lights. Sometimes the kids want to read, sometimes I get to read (as long as the book isn’t one that will make me cry) and, when we are really lucky, my husband reads with all the special voices. It is one of our favorite traditions and something we look forward to every day of December. But, it requires a lot of work to get all the books wrapped beautifully and labeled in the right order so they are ready under the tree by December 1. After a few years of frantically trying to get things ready while also trying to get the decorations up and host family for Thanksgiving and sometimes even missing the first few days of December because the books weren’t ready, I learned a concept that changed things for me. It was the concept of my Future Self. The idea is that you think about your future self as a person. Not just any person, but a person that you love…a friend. When you think of your future self as a friend, you want to do things to serve her. I realized that I wouldn’t want to leave a friend in a frantic mess trying to get the books wrapped every last week of November, knowing that it was the busiest time of year for her. So, that year, before I packed the decorations away in January, I took an afternoon to wrap and label the books so they were ready to go as soon as I pulled out the box. As I packed them into the box of decorations I whispered a little “You’re welcome future Jen. I hope this makes things easier for you.” I put the lid on and packed those decorations away for another year. The following year, when we brought in the box, I was filled with dread about the overwhelming task of decorating for Christmas and getting that darn book advent ready to go. I had completely forgotten what I had done for my future self back in January. When I pulled the lid off the box and found 25 beautifully wrapped books with tags for each day, I was so relieved. I wanted to call January Jen and tell her thank you and give her a giant hug for taking the time to wrap them before packing them away. I felt so much love for myself for doing something so kind, just for me! Every year since that Christmas, I get the books ready before I put them away. I look at the calendar for the next December and decide the order we will open the books. Then I wrap them beautifully and add the correct tag before packing them away. And every year when I pull them out, I am filled with gratitude and love…for me. It isn’t just the Christmas books. I have learned the power of doing things for my future self, and she has become my new best friend. I never worry about whether or not she will appreciate the things I do for her…I know she will. I pretty much never want to clean the kitchen or take the time to sort the groceries into the correct places in the pantry, but I know how much better her life will be if I do, and so I am willing to make the sacrifice. When you start thinking about your future self, you will transform your relationship with YOU! Either you will decide to take care of your current self, or you will take care of your future self. You get taken care of either way. Either your current self makes a sacrifice for your future self or your future self makes a sacrifice for your current self. You make a sacrifice either way. What are you willing to give up so your future self can have the life she wants? What is she willing to give up for you? I want you to take a minute to think about your future self, five years down the road. How old will your kids be? I’ll give you a second to do the math… What kind of things will fill up your days? What will you do for fun? What are your relationships like? Do you enjoy being with your family? What do you do together? Your future self in 5 years will be determined by the things you do today, right now. The decisions you are making, where you spend your time, how much you prioritize your relationships and your family time are all laying the groundwork for everything in your life 5 years from now. We are at the beginning of a school year right now, so think about the end of this school year. How old will your kids be? What kind of things will fill up your days? What will you do for fun? Do you enjoy being with your family? What do you do together? What are your relationships like? What is the same about you? What is different? Just like your future self in 5 years, your future self at the end of this school year will be determined by the choices you make today. If you think about your future self as your new best friend, what do you want to create for her? What gifts do you want to give her? Think about her life…what does she struggle with? Is there something you can do for her to ease her burden? To create more joy and love and light in her life? What does she want more than anything? Can you help make that happen for her? What is one little thing you can do today to make life better in some way for your future self? Let’s apply this concept to your relationship with your teen. Think about your relationship with your child 5 years down the road. What kind of relationship do you hope to have with them? Do you want to still be making dinners and decisions and financial contributions to your child’s life when they are an adult? Do you want them to visit on holidays or come every week for Sunday dinner? What are you doing right now to lay the groundwork for that kind of relationship? How about at the end of the school year? What kind of relationship do you hope to have then? What do you hope they have learned? What kind of mom do you want to be? What do you hope is different? What do you hope is the same? What are you doing today to create that for your future self? Often as parents, we get so focused on the challenges with our teen that are right in front of us… bad grades, friends we aren’t very fond of, messy rooms and missed curfews. But when we zoom out and see the big picture of where we are headed…when we take the time to think about our future self and the relationship she wants with her child…we can see so much more clearly what really matters and what doesn’t. You are making decisions every day about whether to sacrifice the things you want from your teen right now for the relationship you want to have with them later or sacrifice the relationship you want with them later for the things you want from your teen right now. Make sure you are choosing it on purpose. What could you do today so that your future self can have the relationship she wants with that child at the end of the school year? In two years? In five years? I hope your future self becomes your new best friend! I hope you find joy in serving her. I hope you get clarity from considering what she wants. I hope you know how much she appreciates the sacrifices you are making right now for her sake. And, as you start to see the power of this concept in your life, I hope you will teach it to your teens. This concept will help them build their self-worth, find motivation and give them the clarity to make better decisions. If you are enjoying the things you are learning here on the podcast, will you do me a quick favor and leave me a rating or review or share it with a friend? Of course, I love hearing your feedback, but I really want to help more parents have a better experience as they navigate the teen years and your ratings and reviews help more people find the podcast. Thanks for listening. Your future self will be so grateful that you took the time to listen and apply these concepts right now so she can have a better life! I am so excited to introduce you to your new best friend: your future self! I know it sounds funny to think about a future version of you as a friend, but this episode will teach you the power of being friends with future you. Not only will it change the way you see yourself, but it will help you identify what is most important and improve your relationships. Once you start to see it in your own life, you can teach this concept to your teen and watch their self-worth, motivation and decision-making skills grow. If you are enjoying this podcast, will you leave me a rating or review or share it with a friend? Together we can help so many parents have a better experience raising teens!
